I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dick very happy bro
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
