i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
