I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
