I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
