We're facebook friends in real life
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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