It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
