Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
