After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
