i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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