C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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