that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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