Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
