my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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