I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
