I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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