woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
