There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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