I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
