I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
