Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
