ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize