His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Im part way to drunk.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
