im six kinds of drunk right now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
