Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
