people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
