you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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