Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
