and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
