Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
