Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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