Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
