I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
