So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
