I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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