You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
