areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You can't motorboat a personality
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
