two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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