yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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