Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
