I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
