Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
