When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
