so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
