it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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