how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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