pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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