So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
