Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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