You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
