I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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