i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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