Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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