So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
