doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
