Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
