just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
