# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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