so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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