I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
