I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
