I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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