We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
