and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
