I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
