I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
