May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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