I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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