I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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