After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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