afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
